Good lord.
My ideas of a delectable space to rant political thoughts is out the bloody window. I'm just going to have to deal with the disappointment.
This week has been nothing if not eventful, and its only Thursday.
We had tornadoes in Lansing over the weekend. One said tornado decided it would be a delicious idea to deposit a 3 foot diameter tree on my neighbors house... and then for shits have it hit mine too.
See Nicodemus. See Nicodemus rolling in laughter....
...Yeah I don't see it either.
My roof is FUCKED. Hard. A 500lbs branch BOUNCED from my neighbors and careened onto my roof like it was an Olympic high diver going for the gold. The damage, now that I've clamored up there, is complete and utter devastation. I almost shed a tear.
...Until I realized the insurance payout would be huge. Then I found myself wishing it had just crushed the fucking house.
Unfortunately... said tree decided to throw me a bone, and rip my Electrical mast from the house. For those that don't know what that is, you can think of it as the main backbone of your electricity, the buffer between the pole wire and the wiring that goes to your breaker and home.
Yeah. So regulations say it can't be on the ground... even if its still secure and enclosed.
Have I ever mentioned that government regulation in private life is an awful idea and those in favor should be kicked in the groin? Consider it brought up.
So I have "no" power as a result. Which of course, being as I'm typing this from the home, means I found a way around it. Specifically by climbing two stories, popping a screen out of a broken window, and stealing electricity from my delightful neighbors home.... which is empty.
Internet and food storage issue solved. Hooray!
That doesn't even begin to cover it all....
So when I left my house on Sunday due to a fantastic prior loss of power, to go mingle and mince with the family in Okemos, the house was fine. Minus the huge tree in the front yard, and on my fucking roof that is.
Yeah. Came back to a break in. Lost a good deal of DVDs and electronics to said break in. Plus I gained a spectacular amount of pain in the rib area. I'm not going to go into public disclosure of all that, suffice to say, I was rather pissed.
All in all, this brings me to my disenchantment with Lansing, and Michigan in general....
My family has an awful lot of land here. 200 acres up north, a nice island away from it all in the Georgian Bay... There's a lot of places that are wonderful retreats, and I'd hate to give them all up.......... but I don't know if I can take this state.
This wretched town, and dreary continence of people, sludging through life single-mindedly.
I don't know what I was thinking buying the house. Probably trying to prove something to someone... And I still will I suppose. Its MY damn house, and I'll still enjoy it. But the dream is gone. Lansing holds no hope for me, and no attachment will be strong enough to make me stay.
No relationship will be pursued... no friendship too sacred...
It's time for me to leave this place. I've dallied far too long, lax in my efforts for improvement.
Its dark now. Houses are entirely different when nothing works in them, not even the smallest of lights.
Take care to be safe in the dark, for it is where evil takes solace.
Nicodemus
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Monday, June 2, 2008
I know you're frightened...
So When I started this blog, I promised myself I'd keep personal things to minimum...
Not really happening this time around. Such is life.
Last night was a fairly eventful evening. Went to the bar for the first time in a while, and it was nice. Not a lot of spiteful looks, not a lot of angered ex-friends, just a few relaxing drinks. I should have just called it an evening, but no, a friend invited me out to an afterhours spot.
I'll be honest right now. I hate being sober around drunk people. I hate it.
No letting this chummer off the leash, I'll be the first to admit my own vice causes my greatest problems. But when someone is to the point of absolute intoxication, damn is it annoying when they won't listen to reason.
This friend was set on getting into a fight the whole night, to which I almost played an accomplice in. Good lord. I'm not going to go into it entirely, as the sensible, cunning, charming , and incredibly sexy lad I am tells me its not a good plan to publicly publish incriminating items in a widely accessible medium. Suffice to say, it got bad fast, with this chump who was on my friend's nerves almost getting into it with me.
I pride myself on being a practicing nonviolent. A lot of people take that to mean a lack of skill with violence. Some go as far to say it is an effeminate quality.
Yeah, see me caring a whole lot about that. The farther I've gone alone the path of business has given me an amazing amount of apathy towards opinion directed at me from others, which is invaluable quality to keep around oneself, especially in tight situations.
I'll put that to rest right now. I have no need to prove myself to anyone, except those I deem necessary. Avoiding violence is the virtue of the competent, and those who strive to move past raw instinctual reactivity to a higher level of play.
The point I tried so desperately to impart onto my comrade was that while violence isn't the best of solutions, if he felt that he needed to resort to it then so be it. Absolutely. Do what you have to do.
But wait until the opportune moment. Thanks for that Disney. It rapidly became a favorite motto, and was adopted into my life's ethos. Good lord, I did not think it would be so hard to reach someone else in this regard.
"But You don't understand. I'm hood. This is how its gotta be. I can't feel like a bitch in my own home."
I can understand that.
The problem with a lot of youth... and even those who are older than me, especially from the more neglected areas of our fine society... which are truly far from neglected. Welfare indeed!
I digress. The problem is a lack of proper focus. I hate to sit on a high horse, but you show me a single "Ghetto" hoodrat who can move their goddamn head out of a heated moment and think of a year down the road, and I'll give you my firstborn son.
To elaborate... This chap I was dealing with was focusing on current opinion of him. Of events that had already happened. I'll say that again. The attention was on current opinion and past events.
That's why he fails.
Yes I dislike violence, but I have a finely toned and discretely nourished sense of wrath, and know that revenge is best served with absolute brutality. No remorse.
This is what I couldn't get across to my misguided fellow. Who CARES about current opinion. Let go of the past.
Guess what happens if you go off half cocked right now. Everyone knows it was you. No one has any doubt. Legal repercussions hit you hard. Violence is practiced against your family in retaliation.
Well done. Opinion of you hasn't changed, probably has become worse.
But if you just fucking WAIT. Deal with people calling you a bitch. DEAL with people not showing you respect.
You wait until its old news. You keep that hate buried deep inside, and let it fester into loathing, and then into pure, blissful wrath. You plan, and you plot, and then you take everything from your opponent. Follow Sun Tzu. Follow Machiavelli.
You wait until the opportune moment, and your foe loses everything. You put such a fear into him that he cowers at every shadow. You take so much that he is left in ruin, desolate and without hope for recovery. You wound him so deeply that death is preferable to living with the scars of this battle... and the best part is he never figures out who did this to him, or why it happened.
That's the sweetness of revenge. The nectar of joyous victory. For the rest of his days, he'll be consumed by figuring out how this happened, why him. You ruin his mind with fear and worry, and devastate his person.
But you can only do that if you bloody wait.
Patiently yours
Nicodemus
Not really happening this time around. Such is life.
Last night was a fairly eventful evening. Went to the bar for the first time in a while, and it was nice. Not a lot of spiteful looks, not a lot of angered ex-friends, just a few relaxing drinks. I should have just called it an evening, but no, a friend invited me out to an afterhours spot.
I'll be honest right now. I hate being sober around drunk people. I hate it.
No letting this chummer off the leash, I'll be the first to admit my own vice causes my greatest problems. But when someone is to the point of absolute intoxication, damn is it annoying when they won't listen to reason.
This friend was set on getting into a fight the whole night, to which I almost played an accomplice in. Good lord. I'm not going to go into it entirely, as the sensible, cunning, charming , and incredibly sexy lad I am tells me its not a good plan to publicly publish incriminating items in a widely accessible medium. Suffice to say, it got bad fast, with this chump who was on my friend's nerves almost getting into it with me.
I pride myself on being a practicing nonviolent. A lot of people take that to mean a lack of skill with violence. Some go as far to say it is an effeminate quality.
Yeah, see me caring a whole lot about that. The farther I've gone alone the path of business has given me an amazing amount of apathy towards opinion directed at me from others, which is invaluable quality to keep around oneself, especially in tight situations.
I'll put that to rest right now. I have no need to prove myself to anyone, except those I deem necessary. Avoiding violence is the virtue of the competent, and those who strive to move past raw instinctual reactivity to a higher level of play.
The point I tried so desperately to impart onto my comrade was that while violence isn't the best of solutions, if he felt that he needed to resort to it then so be it. Absolutely. Do what you have to do.
But wait until the opportune moment. Thanks for that Disney. It rapidly became a favorite motto, and was adopted into my life's ethos. Good lord, I did not think it would be so hard to reach someone else in this regard.
"But You don't understand. I'm hood. This is how its gotta be. I can't feel like a bitch in my own home."
I can understand that.
The problem with a lot of youth... and even those who are older than me, especially from the more neglected areas of our fine society... which are truly far from neglected. Welfare indeed!
I digress. The problem is a lack of proper focus. I hate to sit on a high horse, but you show me a single "Ghetto" hoodrat who can move their goddamn head out of a heated moment and think of a year down the road, and I'll give you my firstborn son.
To elaborate... This chap I was dealing with was focusing on current opinion of him. Of events that had already happened. I'll say that again. The attention was on current opinion and past events.
That's why he fails.
Yes I dislike violence, but I have a finely toned and discretely nourished sense of wrath, and know that revenge is best served with absolute brutality. No remorse.
This is what I couldn't get across to my misguided fellow. Who CARES about current opinion. Let go of the past.
Guess what happens if you go off half cocked right now. Everyone knows it was you. No one has any doubt. Legal repercussions hit you hard. Violence is practiced against your family in retaliation.
Well done. Opinion of you hasn't changed, probably has become worse.
But if you just fucking WAIT. Deal with people calling you a bitch. DEAL with people not showing you respect.
You wait until its old news. You keep that hate buried deep inside, and let it fester into loathing, and then into pure, blissful wrath. You plan, and you plot, and then you take everything from your opponent. Follow Sun Tzu. Follow Machiavelli.
You wait until the opportune moment, and your foe loses everything. You put such a fear into him that he cowers at every shadow. You take so much that he is left in ruin, desolate and without hope for recovery. You wound him so deeply that death is preferable to living with the scars of this battle... and the best part is he never figures out who did this to him, or why it happened.
That's the sweetness of revenge. The nectar of joyous victory. For the rest of his days, he'll be consumed by figuring out how this happened, why him. You ruin his mind with fear and worry, and devastate his person.
But you can only do that if you bloody wait.
Patiently yours
Nicodemus
Sunday, June 1, 2008
Saturday nights
2:53 and I work tomorrow.
All day tomorrow.
I worked all day today too. And yesterday. Really all week long. Now mind you, not all work you do as an entrepreneur pays. In fact, hardly any of it does. But when all is said and done, the bills are paid for by the work you do.
I didn't really used to sit at home all Saturday... or all Friday. I'd go out and literally be the life of the party.
Rounds for the whole bar, hundreds of dollars in tabs each night. I had the town wrapped around the finger.
Everyone falls from grace once in a while.
You'll have to excuse me, if there are any of you reading this, for a slight digression into personal feelings. This space is mainly for rants and essays, but once in a while I'll need to vent a little mind wanderings.
I got a call from a friend tonight. She's heartbroken, and I can't speak against that. I honestly do know heartbreak. Its happened a few times. Its a nasty thing to be left at the alter, abandoned, and then see your perfect love, that one person you said "Fuck it, I'll change for you and like it" fucking someone else right in front of your eyes.
Its tough to have them pretend to be friendly to you too. I'd rather a slap, a scowl, and the taste of copper in my mouth. Its easier to deal with hatred then false hope.
I'd reckon thats why my female friend is so hurt. All her hopes and dreams have been crashing down, and its pretty hard to feel anything but worthless after something like that. I should know... I've got the brand on my wrist. Just to remind myself that while it'd be easy to just fuck up more and eat a butterfly winged bullet, it'd just be a useless fucking gesture that wouldn't amount to drek in the scheme of this corporate run slum of a life.
Lansing is weighing on me... it'd be nice to be lost in a large city. I want to feel drab and cloud and rain all the time. Vancouver has that. Seattle has that.
A lot of people love the sun. They need the season...
I like the clouds, and the rain. A bitter fucking reminder that it aint sunshine and rainbows. Its about the cloudy days, and the quarter moon, and the empty bottle of whiskey. Its about late bills, and credit card debt, and an empty pantry. Going to bed hungry each night, and not getting more than 3 hours sleep because you wake up in a cold sweat wanting to scream about dreams that plague you every day. Its about a sense of futility, absolute dread and despair.
Who gives a damn. I'm gonna go slot off now.
I miss going out on Saturday nights...
-Nicodemus.
All day tomorrow.
I worked all day today too. And yesterday. Really all week long. Now mind you, not all work you do as an entrepreneur pays. In fact, hardly any of it does. But when all is said and done, the bills are paid for by the work you do.
I didn't really used to sit at home all Saturday... or all Friday. I'd go out and literally be the life of the party.
Rounds for the whole bar, hundreds of dollars in tabs each night. I had the town wrapped around the finger.
Everyone falls from grace once in a while.
You'll have to excuse me, if there are any of you reading this, for a slight digression into personal feelings. This space is mainly for rants and essays, but once in a while I'll need to vent a little mind wanderings.
I got a call from a friend tonight. She's heartbroken, and I can't speak against that. I honestly do know heartbreak. Its happened a few times. Its a nasty thing to be left at the alter, abandoned, and then see your perfect love, that one person you said "Fuck it, I'll change for you and like it" fucking someone else right in front of your eyes.
Its tough to have them pretend to be friendly to you too. I'd rather a slap, a scowl, and the taste of copper in my mouth. Its easier to deal with hatred then false hope.
I'd reckon thats why my female friend is so hurt. All her hopes and dreams have been crashing down, and its pretty hard to feel anything but worthless after something like that. I should know... I've got the brand on my wrist. Just to remind myself that while it'd be easy to just fuck up more and eat a butterfly winged bullet, it'd just be a useless fucking gesture that wouldn't amount to drek in the scheme of this corporate run slum of a life.
Lansing is weighing on me... it'd be nice to be lost in a large city. I want to feel drab and cloud and rain all the time. Vancouver has that. Seattle has that.
A lot of people love the sun. They need the season...
I like the clouds, and the rain. A bitter fucking reminder that it aint sunshine and rainbows. Its about the cloudy days, and the quarter moon, and the empty bottle of whiskey. Its about late bills, and credit card debt, and an empty pantry. Going to bed hungry each night, and not getting more than 3 hours sleep because you wake up in a cold sweat wanting to scream about dreams that plague you every day. Its about a sense of futility, absolute dread and despair.
Who gives a damn. I'm gonna go slot off now.
I miss going out on Saturday nights...
-Nicodemus.
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